Conflicts: Good, Bad, or Ugly?

1.) Pick a church leader and research what he/ she has said about conflict resolution. Below share at least two of your favorite findings.

I read Henry B. Eyring's talk from the priesthood session of General Conference called "Help Them Aim High." I really liked how he focused on looking for and helping people to discover their special gifts from God. He talks about how he carved height boards for his children, as reminders of their gifts from God and how they could contribute to the Lord's work. I love how he individually prayed about each child and gave them a reminder that was heartfelt and specific to them. This example helps me to better understand conflict resolution because it is important to focus on looking for the best in people, especially when they are struggling or when they are in a conflict. Realizing that everyone has something good to offer, helping people to be better, and praying for them are all good ways to try to solve conflicts with an individual. 

Second, I really like how he made breadboards for his girls that said "J'aime et J'esperee," which is French for " I love and I hope." On these breadboards, they placed homemade loaves of bread and delivered them to widows, widowers, and families. I think that this could help with conflict resolution because it is a good reminder to love everyone, even when there is conflict, and hope for the best outcome. In class we talked about how many people fear conflict, but if people had perfect hope then they would most likely seek positive conflict to get results and change. We need to hope for the best outcome and act on it, or else there won't be results or change. I also like how Eyring illustrates an example of service; often if we serve the people that we have conflicts with, then we will love them more and get mad at them less, which would avoid a lot of negative conflict.

2.) What is the difference between destructive conflict and constructive conflict?

Constructive conflict operates when all parties believe that everyone can win, while destructive conflict exists when one or more parties want to win the conflict and have their ideas win. Constructive conflict tends to have more positive outcomes because the parties are working toward a goal, and there conflicts are about ideas. In contrast, the parties involved in destructive conflict often have a power struggle that results in personal attacks, making the conflicts about people. When it becomes personal, relationships often become damaged, and it becomes much harder to work together than before. To promote constructive conflict, parties should focus on the goals that they are all trying to achieve and ways to compromise so that everyone feels like they are part of the decision making process. This fosters confidence in employees/team members/etc, high-quality ideas from debate and compromise, and more open communication in the future. Constructive conflict works way better than destructive because it promotes change and results instead of personal attacks and resentment.

3.) Do you currently embrace good conflict or evade it? Analyze your current way of managing conflict and find two ares of improvement.            

I tend to avoid conflict for as long as possible until I get super frustrated and can't take it anymore. I end up getting way more mad than I would have if I had confronted the person when I initially came upon the problem. It would be better to be open from the start, and tell people when I am frustrated so we can come up with a solution that will improve our relationship instead of letting things fester and get worse. Second, I find that I am pretty judgmental when people do something that I don't agree with. I shouldn't take their actions personally or make judgments about their character because of it. I need to be better at taking a step back and not letting my emotions get in the way, and try to solve the problem instead of trying to solve the person because that isn't my place and it will get me nowhere fast. I also think that I have to be more loving instead of thinking poorly of the person because I wouldn't want someone to judge me or get mad at me based on a misunderstanding. I think that conflict is a lot about understanding people and having open communication, and I have come to see the areas that I need to work on the most.