Motivation: It's All in Your Head

Last week in my leadership development class, Jessica Godfrey, the Student Body Vice-President, came in to talk to us about motivating others. She shared this video about motivation. 

I really liked this video because I think that failure can be great motivation to try harder. These successful people failed in huge ways but they had an optimistic attitude so, in turn, they did not get discouraged or quit. 

As Thomas Edison said, "I have not failed 1,000 times. I have successfully discovered 1,000 ways to NOT make a light bulb." 

Jessica talked about how important it is to motivate yourself before you can motivate others, so she said that in order to motivate yourself, you can make boring stuff fun like rewarding yourself after finishing homework and so on. She also advised us to strive to learn something new from the things that we experience; to do this you have to go into every experience looking for something to gain whether it is at a sports practice, class, work, church, meetings, etc.

1. Describe your motivation in each of these areas:
school: My motivation to go to classes, do my homework, and study for tests stems from my appreciation for the opportunity that I have to be here at BYU. I want to do well in order to keep my academic scholarship, but I also want to make my family's sacrifices and the sacrifices of other tithe payers worth it. This motivation generally keeps me focused, but sometimes I have to motivate myself with extrinsic factor like food, entertainment, and social activities. Usually if I am hungry or bored, I set small goals and when I finish them then I can reward myself.
personal goals: My motivation to accomplish my personal goals like exercising and studying my scriptures comes from my desire to be a better person. I am my own biggest critic, so I find that I am able to motivate myself because I find so many faults within myself that I want to fix. However, I don't get down on myself but try to fuel that motivation by trying to be better the next time.
social: I do not really need much motivation to be social because I love to be around my friends and have fun. However, I constantly need to motivate myself to be outgoing and make friends with new people. To do this, I think about how much I appreciate it when other people make the effort to get to know me and seem really sincere. I want to make other people feel that way, so I think about those feelings and my personal experiences, especially when I was the new kid at a bunch of schools.
family: My motivation to stay close with my family is based off my beliefs in eternal families and the relationships that I have seen within my family already. I have seen some great relationships within my extended family and also some weaker ones. I noticed that the people that forgive and forget within the family are typically the happiest, while those that harbor up bad feelings tend to be less happy in general. I want to have good relationships especially with my siblings and parents because I rely on them so much, and also because my siblings are my best friends and I don't want that to change.

Jessica also talked about motivating others, and said to focus on love. She used the quote "people don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care." I have always loved this message because I usually don't respond to people unless they show sincere interest and concern in me. She also said that it is important to show appreciation to people for their work & gratitude for the little things.
I loved the video that she shared about affirmation.

Not only is she adorable, but she demonstrates a really crucial principle in order to have a happy outlook on life. She motivates herself through affirmation. Isn't she so presh?!

2. How can you motivate others as a leader in the following areas: school, work, family, or social?
School: I can motivate others to do well in school by putting post-it notes on their doors saying "You Can Do It" or other motivational things. I also think that I could offer to help my friends study and help them find incentives to work hard.
Work: I do not have a job right now, but if I did then I would give them affirmation and thank them a lot. I think that pointing out the good things that people do is way more helpful than pointing out their weaknesses. Studies have also shown that rewards are more effective than punishment in changing behavior, and I think that that principle applies perfectly.
Family: I can motivate my family to be a stronger unit by encouraging more Skype calls, texting/calling them more often, and hanging out with my sister who lives in Provo more. I can also send them messages of appreciation and love when I think about them in day to day activities.
Social: I think that I can motivate some of my friends or girls on floor to enjoy social activities by inviting them to things whenever I can, and trying to encourage everyone to go on ward activities and stay involved.

3. Explain the motivation style of your assigned leader for Monday's lab.
Rosa Parks motivated others to action by her example. Her actions truly spoke louder than words. Even before her now famous action on the bus, she demonstrated her quiet strength by working to change things that were unjust for the sake of others. She cared about others deeply, which motivated her to act. This motivation allowed her to not only act once, but continue to build a legacy of using her influence for good. She was a good leader because of her quiet strength, wide influence, grace and dignity. To sum up her motivation style she modestly said, "I would like to be known as a person who is concerned about freedom and equality and justice and prosperity for all people."
Similarly, I would like to be known as that kind of leader. I really admire the way that she lived every aspect of her life. She is definitely a role model to me of a great leader and person whose legacy is significant and admirable even though that was never her aim. Rather, she cared for the well-being of others and served them endlessly. 

Conflicts: Good, Bad, or Ugly?

1.) Pick a church leader and research what he/ she has said about conflict resolution. Below share at least two of your favorite findings.

I read Henry B. Eyring's talk from the priesthood session of General Conference called "Help Them Aim High." I really liked how he focused on looking for and helping people to discover their special gifts from God. He talks about how he carved height boards for his children, as reminders of their gifts from God and how they could contribute to the Lord's work. I love how he individually prayed about each child and gave them a reminder that was heartfelt and specific to them. This example helps me to better understand conflict resolution because it is important to focus on looking for the best in people, especially when they are struggling or when they are in a conflict. Realizing that everyone has something good to offer, helping people to be better, and praying for them are all good ways to try to solve conflicts with an individual. 

Second, I really like how he made breadboards for his girls that said "J'aime et J'esperee," which is French for " I love and I hope." On these breadboards, they placed homemade loaves of bread and delivered them to widows, widowers, and families. I think that this could help with conflict resolution because it is a good reminder to love everyone, even when there is conflict, and hope for the best outcome. In class we talked about how many people fear conflict, but if people had perfect hope then they would most likely seek positive conflict to get results and change. We need to hope for the best outcome and act on it, or else there won't be results or change. I also like how Eyring illustrates an example of service; often if we serve the people that we have conflicts with, then we will love them more and get mad at them less, which would avoid a lot of negative conflict.

2.) What is the difference between destructive conflict and constructive conflict?

Constructive conflict operates when all parties believe that everyone can win, while destructive conflict exists when one or more parties want to win the conflict and have their ideas win. Constructive conflict tends to have more positive outcomes because the parties are working toward a goal, and there conflicts are about ideas. In contrast, the parties involved in destructive conflict often have a power struggle that results in personal attacks, making the conflicts about people. When it becomes personal, relationships often become damaged, and it becomes much harder to work together than before. To promote constructive conflict, parties should focus on the goals that they are all trying to achieve and ways to compromise so that everyone feels like they are part of the decision making process. This fosters confidence in employees/team members/etc, high-quality ideas from debate and compromise, and more open communication in the future. Constructive conflict works way better than destructive because it promotes change and results instead of personal attacks and resentment.

3.) Do you currently embrace good conflict or evade it? Analyze your current way of managing conflict and find two ares of improvement.            

I tend to avoid conflict for as long as possible until I get super frustrated and can't take it anymore. I end up getting way more mad than I would have if I had confronted the person when I initially came upon the problem. It would be better to be open from the start, and tell people when I am frustrated so we can come up with a solution that will improve our relationship instead of letting things fester and get worse. Second, I find that I am pretty judgmental when people do something that I don't agree with. I shouldn't take their actions personally or make judgments about their character because of it. I need to be better at taking a step back and not letting my emotions get in the way, and try to solve the problem instead of trying to solve the person because that isn't my place and it will get me nowhere fast. I also think that I have to be more loving instead of thinking poorly of the person because I wouldn't want someone to judge me or get mad at me based on a misunderstanding. I think that conflict is a lot about understanding people and having open communication, and I have come to see the areas that I need to work on the most.

Communication. BE SINCERE & EFFECTIVE.

The other day, two people who do PR for BYU came and talked to us about communications, which was kinda perfect since that is exactly the career that I want to pursue – super cool! 

Anyways...

1.) Why is communicating powerfully and prolifically a crucial part of leadership?

 I originally had to look up what prolifically meant and that really helped me wrap my head around this idea. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary says that prolific means marked by abundant inventiveness or productivity.  I think that this means that your message should be strong enough that when communicated it produces some results. This is especially important for leadership because a lot of the time leaders are trying to get people on the same page and then put that into action. Without the prolific aspect, the cause would forever be just an idea and would never produce some real changes. 

I also think that being powerful is something that is really hard to be when communicating especially when you fear public speaking (so that is the first obstacle), and also being powerful takes a lot of planning and consolidating your argument so that it is clear, concise, concrete, correct, coherent, complete, and courteous (thanks Ryan!). The 7 C's of Communication really apply to communicating powerfully because people need to understand that it takes a lot of work. 

I always wondered what I could have done better when communicating my vision to my old leadership class, and I realized that I hadn't done a lot of the work that needs to take place before you even begin to communicate. It takes time to really define your idea and become a specialist on it. I could have spent way more time connecting the dots, so that my team was able to get the fully formed idea. 

Overall, Leadership has so much to do with embracing a vision and then acting on it, which is why communicating that idea powerfully and prolifically is HUGE.

2.) Throughout your life you will serve in various leadership roles everywhere from family roles to work roles to church roles. Everyday you communicate what you believe to those around you through your words and your actions. Todd and Joe expressed how important it is that your messages are rooted in what you believe. In the future, how can you make sure what you communicate is rooted in your beliefs?

I think that I have to always remember who I am and the kind of person that I want to be, and then make sure that all of the things that I do and say support that. I need to constantly remind myself, or else I will probably get stuck in a rut where I am not as confident or enthusiastic as I can be. I can alo write my beliefs down and make a personal vison and mission statement that will guide who I want to be. My dad told me that George Albert Smith had a personal creed by which he conducted his life. It has been called 'Creed of a Saint' because it exemplifies ideal actions of Latter-Day Saints:

• 1. “I would be a friend to the friendless and find joy in ministering to the needs of the poor.”
• 2. “I would visit the sick and afflicted and inspire in them a desire for faith to be healed.”
• 3. “I would teach the truth to the understanding and blessing of all mankind.”
• 4. “I would seek out the erring one and try to win him back to a righteous and a happy life.”
• 5. “I would not seek to force people to live up to my ideals but rather love them into doing the thing that is right.”
• 6. “I would live with the masses and help to solve their problems that their earth life may be happy.”
• 7. “I would avoid the publicity of high positions and discourage the flattery of thoughtless friends.”
• 8. “I would not knowingly wound the feeling of any, not even one who may have wronged me, but would seek to do him good and make him my friend.”
• 9. “I would overcome the tendency to selfishness and jealousy and rejoice in the successes of all the children of my Heavenly Father.”
• 10. “I would not be an enemy to any living soul.”
• 11. “Knowing that the Redeemer of mankind has offered to the world the only plan that will fully develop us and make us really happy here and hereafter I feel it not only a duty but a blessed privilege to disseminate this truth.”
  I want to do something of this sort, but I want to make it really meaningful to me so that is something that I will be working on. I think that it will help me to communicate with people and be sincere. I am also reading a book that will help me communicate and be the enthusiastic, sincere person that I want to be; it is called How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnegie. The title is deceiving because it sounds manipulative in a way but it is honestly one of the coolest books that I have ever read. It is really helping me to realize the bad things that I do when communicating with people and how to fix them. It is really inspiring! I totally recommend it for sure! Anyways, I think that it is important  for me to always be reminded of my beliefs and work on strategies (like those found in Dale Carnegie's book) to help me communicate better. 

3.) Todd and Joe gave us some great hints to help leaders communicate powerfully and prolifically. Develop a step-by-step process that you can follow in order to communicate your desired message to those you lead?

First, always remember to smile.  Dale Carnegie says, "Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, "I like you.  You make me happy. I am glad to see you." That is why dogs make such a hit. They are so glad to see us that they almost jump out of their skins. So, naturally, we are glad to see them." Never thought that I would ever get valuable advice telling me to act like a dog, but I totally agree, so act like a dog I will! Carnegie also advises that even if you don't feel like smiling then "first, force yourself to smile. If you are alone, force yourself to whistle or hum a tune or sing. Act as if you were already happy, and that will tend to make you happy." I love his advice because I think that smiles really make a difference and I love his advice about how to keep smiling.

Second, talk in terms of other's interests. Another one of Carnegie's tips, that encourages people to talk to people about thinks that they care about. When I am explaining things, I need to talk about things that are important and relevant to the people that I am trying to persuade instead of just things that I like.

Third, I can ask questions instead of giving direct orders. Carnegie says that good leaders give suggestions not orders. They gather people together, explain the issue, tell them why it is important, and then start asking questions like "Do you think this will work?" or "What do you think of this?".  He says,"Asking questions not only makes an order more palatable; it often stimulates the creativity of the persons whom you ask. People are more likely to accept an order if they have had a part in the decision that caused the order to be issued." I think that this is vital because I really don't like feeling like I am being bossy, and this way people are way more involved in the decision making process. I feel like communicating with people instead of at them is way more effective. 

Leadership: Teamwork

In my leadership class, the BYU Student Body President gave us a great lesson on teamwork. He discussed five dysfunctions of a team, which were absence of trust, fear of conflict, lack of commitment, avoidance of accountability, and inattention to results.

1. Each really made me reflect on teamwork issues that I have had in previous organizations, and I think that the hardest one for me is probably absence of trust. I have a really hard time delegating the work load in group projects because I have been let down in many cases and know that if I leave the work up to myself then I can have it done the way that I want it done. However, this approach is not good for a team because everyone has valuable experience and ideas to incorporate. I think that the most successful leaders motivate others to do the work that they delegate and allow others to try to carry out the task, even if they sometimes fail. Since a lot of leadership is about creating other leaders, it is important to make sure that everyone has the opportunity to grow from taking responsibility of something and owning it. Moreover, I can be a better leader by taking this example into action and holding other people responsible for tasks and motivating them to get the work done.

2.  I think that the most common obstacles that leaders run into while facilitating teamwork are inattention to results and fear of conflict. As Student Body President last year, I remember running into two problems constantly that were harder to resolve than anything else. First, it was really hard motivating 55 people to work together because a lot of people had different goals which created a lot of conflicts. I think that the most essential part of creating a team is making sure that everyone is united under a vision and SMART goals that help guide that vision. We had a mission statement and went over it with the class, but looking back I'm not sure how well we communicated those goals and motivated our team to carry them out. Therefore, we did a lot of activities with only half-effort and sometimes without a purpose because of traditions or tendencies towards certain activities with no real vision behind it. This lack of purpose tricked down to just about everything that we did, and the fact that we were not united under those goals did not help either. I think that if people would have really embraced the mission of our program then their would be less conflicts because the work that we were doing would have been less about each individual trying to get work done, but more about the success of the team working toward our vision. Therefore, the goals of the team really need to be communicated and embraced if the team wants to really make a difference in whatever they are trying to do. Second, as a leader, I ran into problems with people coming to me and wanting me to resolve their conflicts for them. They would tell me that someone was doing something that bothered them, but refused to really address the problem with the person directly. Because I also fear conflict, I found that it was extremely difficult for me to mediate since all of the parties involved were my friends. For awhile, I was the middle man between a lot of people, resolving conflicts by talking to someone and trying to figure out solutions. However, I was at fault because none of these conflict resolutions ever happened when all the parties were in the same room. Since they did not resolve their own conflicts face-to-face, the problems lingered and bitter feelings still existed even though I thought that everything was okay. I think that the best way to handle these situations is to address the problem with constructive criticism and openly with respect. I think that when people respect each other and listen to each other explain why he or she did something, then they will likely be able to get over whatever was going on. Overall, I think that both of these obstacles require better communication within the group, which the leader has the responsibility to make sure happens. The leader really has to get people on the same page which is harder than it seems.

I really like this video about conflicts and I think it illustrates how people respond to frustration without communicating to the other party.

 I think that it says a lot about the other workers in the office too. As the guy beats him up, none of the other co-workers try to intervene. They all probably also feel annoyed by this guy, but no one probably brings it up to the guy. I feel like this is how we as humans operate because we don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but inevitably this approach just causes more problems than had the workers communicated honestly and openly.

3. My personality type for the Myer-Briggs Personality Test was ESFP. I really like these personality tests because they help me figure out what my strengths and weaknesses are, and how other people's personality types can compliment or conflict with mine, so I need to be careful in how I work with them in order to be the most successful that we can be.