Relationships & Leadership

Tom Holmoe, the athletic director of all BYU sports, came and spoke to my leadership development class. He is a super cool person (he has 4 super bowl rings btw), and a great example of a leader. 

First, he encouraged us to have goals for everything. He said that goals are a sure way to improve in this life, so we should all have them. He specifically talked about setting goals for relationships because in order to improve your relationships with people, you have make an effort and be assertive. 

He highlighted John Maxwell's principle that there are 2 kinds of people in the world. 

1. Firelighters: people who will go out of their way to help you keep your fire hot

2. Firefighters: people who will throw cold water on the fire of passion that burns within you. 

Firefighters would be the people that say things like: 

"You're not {smart/talented/experienced} enough"

"That's not the way we do things around here"

"Yeah, but..."

"We tried that before and it didn't work"

He said that there is no reason to be a firefighter, and I agree. I couldn't think of one at least. 

However, we are all going to deal with firefighters in our lives, and it is important to have the attitude that they won't get me down. 

He then talked about an experiment that was conducted to see the influences, if any, of encouragement.

Researchers measured the capacity to endure pain by having subjects stand in a bucket of ice cold water. They found that when someone else is present, the average person can tolerate pain twice as long than when they are alone.

He then showed this video from Facing the Giants:

Because the coach was a firelighter, he was able to help brock to get to a level that he was not at before; therefore, he had a significant relationship with Brock.

John Maxwell has 5 stages of Relationships in his book Talent is Never Enough (p. 221)
1. Surface: requires no commitment from either person (ex. store clerk, waiter)
2. Structure: develop around common interest or activity (ex. people you know from school or work)
3. Secure: people want to spend time togehter
4. Solid: develop complete trust and absolute confidence
5. Significant: people give beyond reason and they lift you up to a level you could not achieve without them

1. Think of three relationships that you wish were at the significant stage, but currently are not there. For each relationship you want to improve write one goal about how you will improve that relationship. Make sure the goals are specific. Each goal should include what relationship you want to improve and a specific action you want to take to improve that relationship.

a. my best friend Kylee: I want to help her to succeed academically at BYU because that would help her be less stressed and more confident in why she is here. To do this, I can compliment her more and encourage her to do homework/succeed instead of distracting her and pushing her to do more fun things. 

b. my sister Haley: I want to help Haley to feel loved and included by me and the rest of her siblings. I can do this by complimenting her, including her in discussions, and not picking on her. I can also encourage my siblings to do the same by really considering her feelings and being kind. 

c. my Mom: I want to help my mom enjoy this holiday season. I can do that by encouraging my siblings to not bring up her family, and to not stress her out by pestering her about decorating or gifts all the time. 

2. What can you do to remind yourself to achieve the goals you made in question 1?

I can remind myself by putting these goals in my scriptures as a bookmark and read over them everyday when I do my scripture study. I can pray to find ways in my scriptures on how to do these things and to be able to be strengthened as I do them. I think that this will really help to put my relationships in perspective, and I think that the scriptures are a good place because they are private and they are one of the few places that I go to daily. 

3. Tom Holmoe shared many different ideas about developing relationships. Share one of your favorite ideas from his lecture. Why did you like this? 

My favorite idea from his lecture was being able to help people by just being there and encouraging them/pushing them to succeed. I loved the video that he shared about Brock Kelly who needed an attitude change and how his coach pushed him to succeed. I could tell how much the coach loved Brock because he stayed by his side through the entire death crawl and never wavered in his encouragement. I think that true leaders have these significant relationships with people because they persist in building them up instead of thinking about themselves and quitting on the person when it is not convenient or easy for them anymore. I think that it is an act of charity to walk with someone through their trials and do everything that they possibly can to build the person up to a level that they were not before. 

Public Speaking

Another leadership post, yay! This lecture was really cool and probably one of my favorites so far!
Kurt Mortensen, a public speaking professor at BYU, taught us about presenting (informing) and persuading (influencing) as leaders.

He stated, "Everyone is going to persuade as a living...managers now regard speaking skills over writing skills." Leaders especially have to persuade in order to get people on the same page, and inspiring action.

Generally, I guess I never really realized how important public speaking is, and I think that we would all be surprised to see ourselves speak in front of a group. There are so many things that make public speaking a huge power skill, and I hope to shed some light on a few techniques.

Kurt talked about four things that would help us to better our public speaking: presence, presentation structure, persuasion, and place.

First, presence. So many things affect the way that people judge you when you speak. Realistically, they judge you by your appearance, demeanor, clothing color, smell, gestures, word choice, and more. Many obstructions like podiums, powerpoints, and notecards can hinder your presentation because they kill charisma, do not allow for gestures, and block you from the audience, so it is best to get rid of those or use them very sparingly.

Your mannerisms are important. You hands shouldn't be in your pocket. Folding your arms and holding your hands is bad too. Also be aware of overactive hands. You should, however, use your hands, but always come back to a neutral spot and only gesture from your hips to shoulders.

Also, pacing and swaying are big no-nos.

Vocal fillers (um, uh, like) should be used in moderation, if not at all. They can become distracting if used too much.

Vocal inflection can make your presentation come alive, and charisma can be learned. You can learn to speed up the way that you speak; it is better to speak faster than slower. It has been proven that the faster you speak, the more persuasive you are. You obviously shouldn't speed up when you are nervous and talk so fast that no one can hear, but faster than normal is typically more persuasive.

Second, Presentation structure.

You need to make it clear what is in it for the audience, and what they can get out of your presentation/what problem are you going to solve. Your presentation is not about you. Make your argument not how you like it but what your audience needs and expects.

You also need to make sure that you cater to your audience. Be aware that people learn in different ways. Some things resonate with different people and personalities.

So, use the TESS formula to persuade. Use Testimonials, Examples, Statistics, and Stories. Personally, messages hit home to me when statistics and stories are used.

Also, make sure that you have a call to action: what do you want them to do?

Oh and be careful about the words that you use.
Airlines are really good about that. Notice how they say that you need to use the life vests "in the event of a water landing." Water landing? event? Well that's an interesting way to think about a plane crashing into the ocean with the wings broken off.
The barf bags are also cleverly worded; they are to be used for "motion discomfort"... really now? I'm pretty sure its for upchuck.
And a plane is never broken. There are only delays due to "mechanical difficulties."

Additionally, there is a huge difference in using the words unborn child and fetus in court. Definitely makes a difference in your argument.

Finally, he made a few other notes. He said that visuals help credibility, but handouts can be distracting so pass those out at the end. Also humor can help credibility, and you can definitely borrow humor; it increases confidence and connectivity.

Anyways...
Three areas of public speaking that I could work on the most are probably humor, obstructions/standing/mannerisms, and catering my message to the audience.

First, I think that I could definitely be funnier and add more humor to my presentations and lessons. I think that I need a lot of improvement in my confidence and ability to connect to my audience in order to really have an influence on people. I think that a good way to learn this is to watch some funny speakers and comedians and listen/watch their technique. I also think that I could write in humor to my presentations and memorize it, then eventually I think that it will come naturally if I practice it a lot. Generally, I think that I'm not a one-liner kind of person and I am really afraid of being cheesy so I will have to overcome that fear in order to be humorous.

Second, I think that I need to remove obstructions and consciously try to tone down my mannerisms and presence. I never really realized how podiums, notecards, and tables really block the presenter from the audience, but I think that is so true. They really do kill your charisma because you can't use your hands to talk. Also I have a tendency to move my feet around and tap them, so I really need to calm that down and consciously think about planting my feet. I also have a problem with having over active hands. Mortensen talked about how all your movements need to have a purpose, and I think that I just move around a lot because I am nervous which is bad.

Third, I think that I can really embrace the TESS formula for my argument. I think that I usually structure my arguments around what things I like and what things help me to learn, but I need to realize that most people don't think like me. I think that I can cater to my audience better this way even though it takes more research and effort because it would require me to think about different personalities and perspectives. I think that I can be way more persuasive so I think that this would totally help.

So... Public Speaking is a really important power skill and you should definitely try to master it!

Leadership in the Community

Just some thoughts... It's a bit of a jumble, but I think that community leadership is important and much more broad than I once thought.

The other day in my Leadership Development class we talked about being a leader in you community.

Dean Kau started by defining community and leadership in order to help us see how we can engage in these roles.

He first talked about how a community means much more than your hometown. He defined it as "a sense of place or capital, and people who work together for a common cause." He said that it implies "uniting, sharing a common interest and well-being, and having a network of social relations and emotional bonds."

He then shared a quote about leadership that I really liked. It was by John Quincy Adams who stated, "If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader."

I love that definition because I think that it can really apply to whatever community that we choose to participate in.  

He also talked about taking action as leaders by quoting someone (I forgot who) that said "imperfect action always beats perfect inaction." So true though. A lot of the time people are afraid that they will mess up or that they don't have anything to contribute, but in reality there is so much that each of us can do to be a leader in the many communities in which we dwell.

Along the same lines, Edmund Burke said, "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." I think that especially now in the world it is important to stand up for the things that we believe in by trying to initiate change and let our voice be heard.

Anyways...

1. What are some communities that you can be a leader in? 

I can be a leader in my hall in the dorms by being on Floor Council. I can also be a leader in the BYU community by getting involved with service projects and another club on campus. I can be a leader in the Provo community by continuing to work with ACCESS. I can be a leader in my hometown, Brentwood, CA, by continuing to vote for policies and city officials. I can be a leader in my old high school, Heritage, by continuing to stay in touch with the leadership program there and feed them ideas of things that I am learning here or just cool stuff that BYU does that could help them out.

2. How can you become involved in a way that is reasonable considering your time?

I can make more of an effort participate in Floor Council by being friends with all my neighbors, looking out for their needs, and helping to plan programs for them. I can also be a better example by going to all the Floor Activities and participating in the Helaman Halls activities. I can also continue to be a part of the Y-Serve program ACCESS, which is like a big brother/sister program where I mentor an at-risk kid in the Provo/Orem area. My 'brother's' name is Christian and he is really fun to hangout with so I plan to continue that service for the rest of the school year at least. I think that it is cool to be able to make a difference even if it seems small because it is effecting one person, but hanging out with Christian has taught me so much and I really hope that he will take something from being friends with my friend Jeff and me. I think that I can definitely keep this up because it is only like 2 hours of my week, which really isn't that much.

3. You don’t need a title to lead. Great leaders are already doing so. Where else can you be a leader? 

I can be a leader in small ways in classes, at church, on campus, in my friend groups, and more. I can give answers and participate in class. I can volunteer to say the prayer or read scriptures in church. I can smile at people in the halls and look for ways to serve the people around me at school. I can build up my friends and try to brighten their days instead of joking around too much and wasting time. I can also encourage them to do service and go to Floor Meetings and other Helaman Halls activities even if they seem kinda lame. I can do many little things like that to try to inspire others to do the right thing too and be better, which is a good example of a leader. 

Ethical Leadership

Sadie Eliese Bledsoe's Code of Ethics

Personal: I will always be a friend to the shy and lonely, run to others in aid and comfort when they are in need,  be honest in every situation, do what is right when no one is watching, smile at everyone that I meet, and make decisions for the good of the most people. I will never be enemies with anyone, swear, or intentionally be unkind to someone.

Professional: I will always act with integrity at work, be honest with coworkers and clients, give my best efforts to every project, and make decisions that will benefit the most people, and try my best everyday to influence people for the better. I will never put my own needs and wants above those of others, lie, and favor my friends over others.

Educational: I will always try my best on all assignments, try to be a good team player, and accept deserved failure. I will never cheat on an assignment/paper/test, do homework on Sundays, plagiarize, or put my own interests/grades ahead of anyone else- be fair.

Motivation: It's All in Your Head

Last week in my leadership development class, Jessica Godfrey, the Student Body Vice-President, came in to talk to us about motivating others. She shared this video about motivation. 

I really liked this video because I think that failure can be great motivation to try harder. These successful people failed in huge ways but they had an optimistic attitude so, in turn, they did not get discouraged or quit. 

As Thomas Edison said, "I have not failed 1,000 times. I have successfully discovered 1,000 ways to NOT make a light bulb." 

Jessica talked about how important it is to motivate yourself before you can motivate others, so she said that in order to motivate yourself, you can make boring stuff fun like rewarding yourself after finishing homework and so on. She also advised us to strive to learn something new from the things that we experience; to do this you have to go into every experience looking for something to gain whether it is at a sports practice, class, work, church, meetings, etc.

1. Describe your motivation in each of these areas:
school: My motivation to go to classes, do my homework, and study for tests stems from my appreciation for the opportunity that I have to be here at BYU. I want to do well in order to keep my academic scholarship, but I also want to make my family's sacrifices and the sacrifices of other tithe payers worth it. This motivation generally keeps me focused, but sometimes I have to motivate myself with extrinsic factor like food, entertainment, and social activities. Usually if I am hungry or bored, I set small goals and when I finish them then I can reward myself.
personal goals: My motivation to accomplish my personal goals like exercising and studying my scriptures comes from my desire to be a better person. I am my own biggest critic, so I find that I am able to motivate myself because I find so many faults within myself that I want to fix. However, I don't get down on myself but try to fuel that motivation by trying to be better the next time.
social: I do not really need much motivation to be social because I love to be around my friends and have fun. However, I constantly need to motivate myself to be outgoing and make friends with new people. To do this, I think about how much I appreciate it when other people make the effort to get to know me and seem really sincere. I want to make other people feel that way, so I think about those feelings and my personal experiences, especially when I was the new kid at a bunch of schools.
family: My motivation to stay close with my family is based off my beliefs in eternal families and the relationships that I have seen within my family already. I have seen some great relationships within my extended family and also some weaker ones. I noticed that the people that forgive and forget within the family are typically the happiest, while those that harbor up bad feelings tend to be less happy in general. I want to have good relationships especially with my siblings and parents because I rely on them so much, and also because my siblings are my best friends and I don't want that to change.

Jessica also talked about motivating others, and said to focus on love. She used the quote "people don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care." I have always loved this message because I usually don't respond to people unless they show sincere interest and concern in me. She also said that it is important to show appreciation to people for their work & gratitude for the little things.
I loved the video that she shared about affirmation.

Not only is she adorable, but she demonstrates a really crucial principle in order to have a happy outlook on life. She motivates herself through affirmation. Isn't she so presh?!

2. How can you motivate others as a leader in the following areas: school, work, family, or social?
School: I can motivate others to do well in school by putting post-it notes on their doors saying "You Can Do It" or other motivational things. I also think that I could offer to help my friends study and help them find incentives to work hard.
Work: I do not have a job right now, but if I did then I would give them affirmation and thank them a lot. I think that pointing out the good things that people do is way more helpful than pointing out their weaknesses. Studies have also shown that rewards are more effective than punishment in changing behavior, and I think that that principle applies perfectly.
Family: I can motivate my family to be a stronger unit by encouraging more Skype calls, texting/calling them more often, and hanging out with my sister who lives in Provo more. I can also send them messages of appreciation and love when I think about them in day to day activities.
Social: I think that I can motivate some of my friends or girls on floor to enjoy social activities by inviting them to things whenever I can, and trying to encourage everyone to go on ward activities and stay involved.

3. Explain the motivation style of your assigned leader for Monday's lab.
Rosa Parks motivated others to action by her example. Her actions truly spoke louder than words. Even before her now famous action on the bus, she demonstrated her quiet strength by working to change things that were unjust for the sake of others. She cared about others deeply, which motivated her to act. This motivation allowed her to not only act once, but continue to build a legacy of using her influence for good. She was a good leader because of her quiet strength, wide influence, grace and dignity. To sum up her motivation style she modestly said, "I would like to be known as a person who is concerned about freedom and equality and justice and prosperity for all people."
Similarly, I would like to be known as that kind of leader. I really admire the way that she lived every aspect of her life. She is definitely a role model to me of a great leader and person whose legacy is significant and admirable even though that was never her aim. Rather, she cared for the well-being of others and served them endlessly. 

Conflicts: Good, Bad, or Ugly?

1.) Pick a church leader and research what he/ she has said about conflict resolution. Below share at least two of your favorite findings.

I read Henry B. Eyring's talk from the priesthood session of General Conference called "Help Them Aim High." I really liked how he focused on looking for and helping people to discover their special gifts from God. He talks about how he carved height boards for his children, as reminders of their gifts from God and how they could contribute to the Lord's work. I love how he individually prayed about each child and gave them a reminder that was heartfelt and specific to them. This example helps me to better understand conflict resolution because it is important to focus on looking for the best in people, especially when they are struggling or when they are in a conflict. Realizing that everyone has something good to offer, helping people to be better, and praying for them are all good ways to try to solve conflicts with an individual. 

Second, I really like how he made breadboards for his girls that said "J'aime et J'esperee," which is French for " I love and I hope." On these breadboards, they placed homemade loaves of bread and delivered them to widows, widowers, and families. I think that this could help with conflict resolution because it is a good reminder to love everyone, even when there is conflict, and hope for the best outcome. In class we talked about how many people fear conflict, but if people had perfect hope then they would most likely seek positive conflict to get results and change. We need to hope for the best outcome and act on it, or else there won't be results or change. I also like how Eyring illustrates an example of service; often if we serve the people that we have conflicts with, then we will love them more and get mad at them less, which would avoid a lot of negative conflict.

2.) What is the difference between destructive conflict and constructive conflict?

Constructive conflict operates when all parties believe that everyone can win, while destructive conflict exists when one or more parties want to win the conflict and have their ideas win. Constructive conflict tends to have more positive outcomes because the parties are working toward a goal, and there conflicts are about ideas. In contrast, the parties involved in destructive conflict often have a power struggle that results in personal attacks, making the conflicts about people. When it becomes personal, relationships often become damaged, and it becomes much harder to work together than before. To promote constructive conflict, parties should focus on the goals that they are all trying to achieve and ways to compromise so that everyone feels like they are part of the decision making process. This fosters confidence in employees/team members/etc, high-quality ideas from debate and compromise, and more open communication in the future. Constructive conflict works way better than destructive because it promotes change and results instead of personal attacks and resentment.

3.) Do you currently embrace good conflict or evade it? Analyze your current way of managing conflict and find two ares of improvement.            

I tend to avoid conflict for as long as possible until I get super frustrated and can't take it anymore. I end up getting way more mad than I would have if I had confronted the person when I initially came upon the problem. It would be better to be open from the start, and tell people when I am frustrated so we can come up with a solution that will improve our relationship instead of letting things fester and get worse. Second, I find that I am pretty judgmental when people do something that I don't agree with. I shouldn't take their actions personally or make judgments about their character because of it. I need to be better at taking a step back and not letting my emotions get in the way, and try to solve the problem instead of trying to solve the person because that isn't my place and it will get me nowhere fast. I also think that I have to be more loving instead of thinking poorly of the person because I wouldn't want someone to judge me or get mad at me based on a misunderstanding. I think that conflict is a lot about understanding people and having open communication, and I have come to see the areas that I need to work on the most.

Communication. BE SINCERE & EFFECTIVE.

The other day, two people who do PR for BYU came and talked to us about communications, which was kinda perfect since that is exactly the career that I want to pursue – super cool! 

Anyways...

1.) Why is communicating powerfully and prolifically a crucial part of leadership?

 I originally had to look up what prolifically meant and that really helped me wrap my head around this idea. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary says that prolific means marked by abundant inventiveness or productivity.  I think that this means that your message should be strong enough that when communicated it produces some results. This is especially important for leadership because a lot of the time leaders are trying to get people on the same page and then put that into action. Without the prolific aspect, the cause would forever be just an idea and would never produce some real changes. 

I also think that being powerful is something that is really hard to be when communicating especially when you fear public speaking (so that is the first obstacle), and also being powerful takes a lot of planning and consolidating your argument so that it is clear, concise, concrete, correct, coherent, complete, and courteous (thanks Ryan!). The 7 C's of Communication really apply to communicating powerfully because people need to understand that it takes a lot of work. 

I always wondered what I could have done better when communicating my vision to my old leadership class, and I realized that I hadn't done a lot of the work that needs to take place before you even begin to communicate. It takes time to really define your idea and become a specialist on it. I could have spent way more time connecting the dots, so that my team was able to get the fully formed idea. 

Overall, Leadership has so much to do with embracing a vision and then acting on it, which is why communicating that idea powerfully and prolifically is HUGE.

2.) Throughout your life you will serve in various leadership roles everywhere from family roles to work roles to church roles. Everyday you communicate what you believe to those around you through your words and your actions. Todd and Joe expressed how important it is that your messages are rooted in what you believe. In the future, how can you make sure what you communicate is rooted in your beliefs?

I think that I have to always remember who I am and the kind of person that I want to be, and then make sure that all of the things that I do and say support that. I need to constantly remind myself, or else I will probably get stuck in a rut where I am not as confident or enthusiastic as I can be. I can alo write my beliefs down and make a personal vison and mission statement that will guide who I want to be. My dad told me that George Albert Smith had a personal creed by which he conducted his life. It has been called 'Creed of a Saint' because it exemplifies ideal actions of Latter-Day Saints:

• 1. “I would be a friend to the friendless and find joy in ministering to the needs of the poor.”
• 2. “I would visit the sick and afflicted and inspire in them a desire for faith to be healed.”
• 3. “I would teach the truth to the understanding and blessing of all mankind.”
• 4. “I would seek out the erring one and try to win him back to a righteous and a happy life.”
• 5. “I would not seek to force people to live up to my ideals but rather love them into doing the thing that is right.”
• 6. “I would live with the masses and help to solve their problems that their earth life may be happy.”
• 7. “I would avoid the publicity of high positions and discourage the flattery of thoughtless friends.”
• 8. “I would not knowingly wound the feeling of any, not even one who may have wronged me, but would seek to do him good and make him my friend.”
• 9. “I would overcome the tendency to selfishness and jealousy and rejoice in the successes of all the children of my Heavenly Father.”
• 10. “I would not be an enemy to any living soul.”
• 11. “Knowing that the Redeemer of mankind has offered to the world the only plan that will fully develop us and make us really happy here and hereafter I feel it not only a duty but a blessed privilege to disseminate this truth.”
  I want to do something of this sort, but I want to make it really meaningful to me so that is something that I will be working on. I think that it will help me to communicate with people and be sincere. I am also reading a book that will help me communicate and be the enthusiastic, sincere person that I want to be; it is called How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnegie. The title is deceiving because it sounds manipulative in a way but it is honestly one of the coolest books that I have ever read. It is really helping me to realize the bad things that I do when communicating with people and how to fix them. It is really inspiring! I totally recommend it for sure! Anyways, I think that it is important  for me to always be reminded of my beliefs and work on strategies (like those found in Dale Carnegie's book) to help me communicate better. 

3.) Todd and Joe gave us some great hints to help leaders communicate powerfully and prolifically. Develop a step-by-step process that you can follow in order to communicate your desired message to those you lead?

First, always remember to smile.  Dale Carnegie says, "Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, "I like you.  You make me happy. I am glad to see you." That is why dogs make such a hit. They are so glad to see us that they almost jump out of their skins. So, naturally, we are glad to see them." Never thought that I would ever get valuable advice telling me to act like a dog, but I totally agree, so act like a dog I will! Carnegie also advises that even if you don't feel like smiling then "first, force yourself to smile. If you are alone, force yourself to whistle or hum a tune or sing. Act as if you were already happy, and that will tend to make you happy." I love his advice because I think that smiles really make a difference and I love his advice about how to keep smiling.

Second, talk in terms of other's interests. Another one of Carnegie's tips, that encourages people to talk to people about thinks that they care about. When I am explaining things, I need to talk about things that are important and relevant to the people that I am trying to persuade instead of just things that I like.

Third, I can ask questions instead of giving direct orders. Carnegie says that good leaders give suggestions not orders. They gather people together, explain the issue, tell them why it is important, and then start asking questions like "Do you think this will work?" or "What do you think of this?".  He says,"Asking questions not only makes an order more palatable; it often stimulates the creativity of the persons whom you ask. People are more likely to accept an order if they have had a part in the decision that caused the order to be issued." I think that this is vital because I really don't like feeling like I am being bossy, and this way people are way more involved in the decision making process. I feel like communicating with people instead of at them is way more effective. 

Leadership: Teamwork

In my leadership class, the BYU Student Body President gave us a great lesson on teamwork. He discussed five dysfunctions of a team, which were absence of trust, fear of conflict, lack of commitment, avoidance of accountability, and inattention to results.

1. Each really made me reflect on teamwork issues that I have had in previous organizations, and I think that the hardest one for me is probably absence of trust. I have a really hard time delegating the work load in group projects because I have been let down in many cases and know that if I leave the work up to myself then I can have it done the way that I want it done. However, this approach is not good for a team because everyone has valuable experience and ideas to incorporate. I think that the most successful leaders motivate others to do the work that they delegate and allow others to try to carry out the task, even if they sometimes fail. Since a lot of leadership is about creating other leaders, it is important to make sure that everyone has the opportunity to grow from taking responsibility of something and owning it. Moreover, I can be a better leader by taking this example into action and holding other people responsible for tasks and motivating them to get the work done.

2.  I think that the most common obstacles that leaders run into while facilitating teamwork are inattention to results and fear of conflict. As Student Body President last year, I remember running into two problems constantly that were harder to resolve than anything else. First, it was really hard motivating 55 people to work together because a lot of people had different goals which created a lot of conflicts. I think that the most essential part of creating a team is making sure that everyone is united under a vision and SMART goals that help guide that vision. We had a mission statement and went over it with the class, but looking back I'm not sure how well we communicated those goals and motivated our team to carry them out. Therefore, we did a lot of activities with only half-effort and sometimes without a purpose because of traditions or tendencies towards certain activities with no real vision behind it. This lack of purpose tricked down to just about everything that we did, and the fact that we were not united under those goals did not help either. I think that if people would have really embraced the mission of our program then their would be less conflicts because the work that we were doing would have been less about each individual trying to get work done, but more about the success of the team working toward our vision. Therefore, the goals of the team really need to be communicated and embraced if the team wants to really make a difference in whatever they are trying to do. Second, as a leader, I ran into problems with people coming to me and wanting me to resolve their conflicts for them. They would tell me that someone was doing something that bothered them, but refused to really address the problem with the person directly. Because I also fear conflict, I found that it was extremely difficult for me to mediate since all of the parties involved were my friends. For awhile, I was the middle man between a lot of people, resolving conflicts by talking to someone and trying to figure out solutions. However, I was at fault because none of these conflict resolutions ever happened when all the parties were in the same room. Since they did not resolve their own conflicts face-to-face, the problems lingered and bitter feelings still existed even though I thought that everything was okay. I think that the best way to handle these situations is to address the problem with constructive criticism and openly with respect. I think that when people respect each other and listen to each other explain why he or she did something, then they will likely be able to get over whatever was going on. Overall, I think that both of these obstacles require better communication within the group, which the leader has the responsibility to make sure happens. The leader really has to get people on the same page which is harder than it seems.

I really like this video about conflicts and I think it illustrates how people respond to frustration without communicating to the other party.

 I think that it says a lot about the other workers in the office too. As the guy beats him up, none of the other co-workers try to intervene. They all probably also feel annoyed by this guy, but no one probably brings it up to the guy. I feel like this is how we as humans operate because we don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but inevitably this approach just causes more problems than had the workers communicated honestly and openly.

3. My personality type for the Myer-Briggs Personality Test was ESFP. I really like these personality tests because they help me figure out what my strengths and weaknesses are, and how other people's personality types can compliment or conflict with mine, so I need to be careful in how I work with them in order to be the most successful that we can be.

Leadership Development: Work Hard, Play Hard.

The thing that I am loving most about my leadership development class is that it is helping me to change my mindset on really important things that I have been working on. For instance, this past week we have been talking about balancing our lives and managing ourselves in the time that we have. I am not naturally an organized person. I have forced myself to be organized in certain aspects of my life, but  organization and planning have never come easy to me. However, just in this past week I have started to change the way that I see time.

I am starting to like the phrase "WORK HARD, PLAY HARD" more and more everyday. Because college requires a lot more work than I am used to and also provides many more social opportunities, I have had to be more careful in the choices that I make and the things that I do all day. I realized that I should treat my schoolwork like a 8 to 5 job on weekdays since I am a full-time student. To do that, I also embraced the idea that my TA told us: we have 100% of time. I get to choose how much time I want to spend on each part of my life. Ideally, my breakdown would be sleep 30%, class 17%, homework 25%, friends/family 10%, scripture study 2%, eating 6%, and miscellaneous 10%. The things that I value most should essentially be what I spend the most time doing each day, and for me, those are my family, my testimony, education, friends, and church.

I really liked a quote that my TA shared that read, "Time=Life; therefore, waste your time and waste your life, or master your time and master your life." It was interesting because I posted this quote on facebook and a kid that I went to high school with commented on it and said "enjoy your time and enjoy your life." I think that both of these statements have truth to them, but have different frames of reference. The idea of the first one is more about values and centering your life around the things that matter most to you. Obviously I agree that life should be enjoyed, but I think that there is a difference between having fun and becoming the person that you want to be. Personally, I waste a lot of time on social media or surfing the Internet, which are both enjoyable, but probably won't help me to become the person that I want to be. Also the time that I spend on those usually distract me from important things that I need to get done like homework, and ultimately stress me out. Instead if I prioritize and do my homework first (WORK HARD), then later I will enjoy my play time more (PLAY HARD).

My Blog Assignment:

1.) Tamara talked about how leading your life is like conducting an orchestra and producing a beautiful song. Are there any parts of your life that should play louder in the current song your are conducting? Are there any parts that you should remove from the orchestra to make your song more beautiful or perfect? 

Even though I want to say that I think that my life is pretty balanced, I have a lot of room to improve. I think that I should spend more time on my schoolwork. Right now I don't think that I am taking college very seriously even though I am a full-time student. I want to shift my focus to treating my classes and homework as my job and really working on studying more. I also want to create better habits of working out and studying my scriptures. To make my life more balanced and productive, I should probably eliminate some of my entertainment like social media and sometimes my social activities. I waste a lot of time on my phone and on my computer doing things that I don't really consider super productive like Facebook and Pinterest even though they are enjoyable. 

2.) There are many things that we need to accomplish in this life. Tamara talked about how the best way to enjoy life and still get everything done is through "peacefully hurrying". Why did she suggest we "peacefully hurry"? What are some actions that will help you to "peacefully hurry" in your life? 

We need to hurry to be productive throughout the day, but she emphasized the importance of not being stressed but being peaceful. When we are stressed, we are focusing on ourselves and what we need to get done; we often become unpleasant and forget to be wise. However, when we are peacefully going about our daily tasks, we can look outside of ourselves and help others. We will find that as we take a breath and enjoy our lives, then we will have much more satisfying days and interactions with people. I can "peacefully hurry" by taking the time to smile at people and make conversation with the people around me. With the girls on my floor, I can spend more time with them instead of hurrying to my room to get my To Do List done. I can also focus on getting my work done in the library, so when I get home I can focus on my relationships with my friends and the people around me. I also shouldn't complain about the business of life and the things that I need to get done.

3.) Time management can be difficult at times, especially during school. Make three goals about time management that you would like to apply to the rest of your semester. Make sure these time management goals reflect your values. How will you hold yourself accountable to these three goals?

I want to use the DO BE DA chart that Tamara showed us. I already made one and started to use it this past week, and it has really helped me to focus on being a good person and making each day mean something to me. I also want to get all my homework done in the library so when I am home I don't have to feel stressed or interrupted by people in my hall. Lastly, I want to wake up earlier and read my scriptures and plan for the day instead of feeling rushed every morning. I can hold myself accountable to these goals by putting them up in my room, so that my roommate and friends could see them if they looked and help me be accountable for them. I can also reward myself with ice cream or some other treat every week or couple of days that I successfully complete my goals.

Leadership- Vision

Today in my leadership class, we talked about having a vision. We talked about how your vision has to be HUGE.  For example, Disney wants "to make people happy" (think about all the people that go to Disneyland--that is a lot of people), Microsoft wants "a personal computer in every home running Microsoft Software"(that's a ton of computers), and Walmart wants to be the "worldwide leader in retail." Those are HUGE goals. They seem impossible, but that is what makes people try really hard to succeed.

Corporate Name	Vision Statement
Amazon	Our vision is to be earth's most customer centric company; to build a place where people can come to find and discover anything they might want to buy online.
Avon Products	To be the company that best understands and satisfies the product, service and self-fulfillment needs of women - globally.
Coca-Cola	To achieve sustainable growth, we have established a vision with clear goals. Profit: Maximizing return to share owners while being mindful of our overall responsibilities. People: Being a great place to work where people are inspired to be the best they can be. Portfolio: Bringing to the world a portfolio of beverage brands that anticipate and satisfy people; desires and needs. Partners: Nurturing a winning network of partners and building mutual loyalty. Planet: Being a responsible global citizen that makes a difference.
Kraft Foods	Helping people around the world eat and live better.
Macy's	Our vision is to operate Macy's and Bloomingdale's as dynamic national brands while focusing on the customer offering in each store location.
Microsoft	A personal computer in every home running Microsoft software.
Toyota	To become the most successful and respected lift truck company in the U.S.
The Walt Disney Corporation	To make people happy.
Walmart	Worldwide leader in retail.

Then a couple of days ago, Brother Bond, a business management professor with tons of experience in brand management (super interesting job btw), talked to us about establishing goals. He has had a super successful career in business, but even after just hearing him talk for less than an hour, I could tell that he is a great person and leader too. He was super confident and interesting; he really got people. I want to be like that. Being a captivating teacher would be really helpful for so many things.
Anyways, for my class...
1.) Write down the vision you have for yourself as a leader. Then write down the goals that will help you achieve your vision. Your vision should only be a sentence or two, but should give a clear image of what type of leader you aspire to be someday. Your goals should be as detailed as they can be. They should stretch you, but also be attainable.
I have thought about my personal leadership vision, and this is what I came up with:
Ultimately, I want to be a good example and disciple of Jesus Christ. I want to be a leader that constantly looks for and brings out the best in people.
To do that: I can be complimentary always, make friends with everybody, live selflessly, and put needs of others before my own. I can smile at everybody, even if it is awkward sometimes. Learn the names of everybody that I serve (work, church calling, etc.). Be proactive about problem solving; and help people work through conflict. I can spend time with the people that I serve and develop meaningful relationships by developing talents/interests together. I can be happy for other people, for their successes and tender mercies. I also want to be someone who people think of as just generally kind and sweet; someone who doesn't gossip or complain; and someone that thinks the best about people.

2.) Brother Bond shared his experience about John Plaso. As Brother Bond explained, John helped all those around him achieve their goals. As a leader, how do you plan to help those around achieve their goals?
I have heard that "if you lead from the front, people tend to stop following you. If you lead from the back, people get tired of you pushing them, but if you lead from within, you will be a successful leader," or something to that extent. I think that really means that by helping people, instead of telling them what to do or micro-managing them, you are able to give them direction and support, but let them have some creative control to do it in their own way. I want to be that kind of leader that works with people to help them achieve their goals. I want to be able to give people constructive criticism in a helpful way, and help them to grow in whatever way I can; I feel like the only way to do that without being offensive, you have to have a good relationship with the person from being their friend. It is super important to take the time to get to know the people that you serve because that is the only way to find out what is important to them, what they are struggling with, and how to help them. So I guess what I am trying to say is that you need to be friends with the people that you are trying to help to achieve their goals if you plan to have any success.

3.) In your opinion, what value does defining vision and goals have? 
When I write down goals (especially SMART goals), I find myself more prone to actually do what I said I was going to do. Writing things down helps me to remember to do something, and also makes me accountable for it (especially when I hang it up somewhere in my house where others can see it- that helps me because then everyone knows what I am trying to do, which is good peer pressure to do it). Also when I was student body president, the ASB officers got together and made a mission statement for the class. We read it to the leadership class and explained what was important to us and what direction we wanted the class to go in. That mission statement kept us accountable for what we said that we were going to do. We looked back at it frequently to check to see if we were doing it all, and if we weren't, there was always room for adjustments. If we didn't have it written down, they we wouldn't be able to check our progress and change anything when needed. That applies to visions in general because reflection is a huge part of leadership to compare where you are headed to where you where you want to end up. I like the quote "Begin with the End in Mind" for that reason.

Divinely-Centered Leadership- 9/5/12

Today in my student leadership development class, Neal Cox, the Associate Dean of Student Life at BYU,  gave us a lecture on "Servant Leadership." He lives by the quote by Steven R. Covey, "You'll find that as you care less about what others think of you, you will care more about what others think of themselves and their worlds, including their relationship with you." 

I really enjoyed his message on serving others because I did a lot of leadership in high school. I was class president for 3 years and student body president my senior year, and the stereotype at least at my school was that "leadership kids" were elitists and just did favors for their friends. When I was in charge of the class, I made a special effort to encourage the class to be more friendly, serve others more, and act with integrity. I knew that people watched us and noticed the little things, and those seemingly little things could easily turn people against the things that we were trying to promote. With that in mind, my leadership motto was: "people don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care." When you show people that you love them through service then they are way more likely to respond to you.

Anyhow for my leadership class, I had to answer some questions so hear goes nothing...

1. I really liked how he talked about focusing on others instead of ourselves. A lot of the time I find myself getting really caught up in what I am doing and how I feel that I don't find the time to look outside myself and notice what other people are doing and/or feeling. Missing opportunities to talk to people or help them out in small ways got me thinking. At BYU Foundations of Leadership, I heard Neal Cox speak and I decided that I really needed to get to know people and really show them that I care. Sooo, since school started, I have been trying harder to look for people either on my floor or in my classes to talk to and try to befriend. Sometimes I have more success than others, but I have never regretted it since. However, all of the times that I pass up an opportunity, I regret it and wished that I had. It can be hard to put yourself out there especially if you are afraid of what people will think, but I like to think about how good it feels when others show interest in me and that helps me to motivate me.

2. Based on what Neal Cox taught, I would define servant leadership by first defining what I think it means to be a servant. I think that a servant is somebody who isn't really defined by their words as much as their actions. Servants work even in times when they are tired, stressed, hungry, pressured, etc.
They are humble and do not think much about themselves because they are constantly worrying about others and thinking of ways to help them. That focus when applied to leadership really narrows down my list of people that I would consider "servant leaders." The servant leaders that I know don't really talk about themselves as much as they do about others that they are concerned about. You can tell that they have really big hearts and really care about the people that they are trying to help. In light of the leadership aspect of servant leadership, I think that servant leaders inspire others to serve as well because they are super happy, confident people even if they have their fair share of challenges.

3. I have really looked up to my dad as a person who is a servant leader. I rarely hear him complain when I know that he is stressed from work and all of the others things that he has on his plate. As the head of our family, my dad works endlessly to provide for us, and also finds time to express his love. Every morning for as long as I can remember, my dad wakes up in the morning to make me breakfast and/or lunch (even when I had to leave the house every morning for seminary at 6:40 am). Then he goes running with our dog (that he cares for mostly since all of the kids who wanted her usually forget). Then after taking my little sister to school, he goes to work as a family physician. He takes care of people and their problems all day, then comes home to help around the house, make dinner, and hang out with the fam. If that wasn't enough, he also takes care of people in the ward or extended family members that always call him for medical advice and such. People love my dad as a doctor and a friend because he genuinely shows interest in people and constantly goes out of his way to help them. He is the best example to me of servant leadership because he has served me all of my life and has inspired me to do the same.

Pass It On. Pay It Forward.

Today I watched a movie trailer that hit me pretty hard. It is for a movie called "Bully."

I have strong feelings, like I assume most of you do, on bullying.

When I was growing up, my dad was in the army. We moved about every other year. New school, new house, and new people. I had to make new friends a lot, which wasn't too hard most of the time. However, when I moved in fourth grade, things got harder. I was really behind in the school subjects (which I had never been before) and I often felt like I was getting special attention from the teacher, which made me feel even more uncomfortable as 'the new kid'. One day in particular, I remember coming home crying after a girl made fun of me from being "a monterey-an" (her term not mine) and telling me that my haircut was "off-key." Neither of her comments made much sense to me, but still they were public and they hurt.

Though I cannot say that I have ever been bullied to the degree portrayed in the video, I sympathize for those that have. Everyone at times feels alone, and at times some of us have been persecuted for our differences, whether that be the way we look or what we believe/value. On occasion, I have felt pretty alone and hurt before because of something that someone said or did to me, but I cannot imagine feeling like that everyday. Especially to the point where a person could be afraid for their life to go to school (a place that we are forced to go to in the first place).

In high school leadership, my advisor often stressed how important it is to reach out to those who might be shy, lonely, or bullied. I also went to many leadership conferences where this was stressed and how important our influence can be in the lives of others. I know that seeing videos like this pulls on your heart strings, and I really hope that it encourages you to act on your feelings. You never know what one small act of kindness can do.

Looking back, it amazes me how much those seemingly small jabs can really break a kid's day. I can't even imagine how much more it would hurt to be bullied any worse than that, and for the parents of the kids, how painful it would be to let them go to school or try to help them through it. I really hope that this movie resonates with people, and that they make a conscious effort to end bullying whenever possible by educating kids, parents, and other adults; and spreading kindness throughout campuses nationwide.

Remember, "you just might start a chain reaction." -Rachel Scott

SWEET VICTORY

HELLO WORLD! Welcome to my blog. First, I'd like to say that I started this blog for a leadership class, but I hope that it turns in to something more.

Anyways, this week was my first week at Brigham Young University. Everything about BYU is as good or better than I ever thought it would be. I had dreamed of going to BYU for like... ever, so finally being here as a student is epic.

Last night, the epic-ness reached an all-time high as I attended my very first football game as a BYU student! The entire stadium wore white, and it looked so sweet! I just can't believe that I am here, and living the life that I worked so hard for in high school. Victory never tasted so good (BYU also beat Washington State 30-6)!!!

Go COUGAR!

TOTAL WHITEOUT

Whiteout (with Elder Rasband)

The view from the 3rd row

the gang.